A Measured Argument for Atheists to Consider

I understand the basic argument of the atheist. For an atheist, God is intangible. The existence of God cannot be proven by rational thought, by scientific reasoning. Ergo, it is irrational to believe in an unseen Authority. However, despite me being a Christian, I will not try to dissuade the atheistic way of seeing the Universe.

However, for the atheist, I have a few ideas I would like you to consider. Does love exist? There is no tangible way to prove the existence of love. Yet we have all felt love, all seen it. One does not doubt a mother's love for a child. Yet we cannot prove that love in a rational way. Acts attributed to a mother's love can just as easily be attributed to the instinctual need to ensure the survival of the species, even when an act of love can have a negative effect on one's own ability to survive.

Despite this, we still believe that love is a real thing.

The connection to God is similar to the feeling of love. As many religions would say, God is Love. While we may not be able to prove God in a scientific way, those who are moved by religion can feel God in a way that is beyond rational understanding.

People are more than just rational beings. We are capable of the abstract. Art, music, even the creative thought we use to solve scientific problems, these derive from some irrational part of the human mind. If we can accept that there is more to the world than simply what is reasoned and rational, then an abstract God may not be much of a stretch of the imagination.

I will admit there have been shortcomings in organized religions. Terrible things have been carried out in the name of religion, be it the Inquisition, Al Qaeda's reign of terror, or any number of atrocities that atheists are sure to list. Religious organizations have slowed or stopped the flow of scientific or progressive ideas. men can easily use the name of God behave according to their own will.

I also admit that a rational and enlightened person can be morally upstanding without the threat of retribution from a supernatural authority figure. However, these items are beside the point.

I do not believe in God because someone told me to. I do not believe in God for want of Heaven or fear of Hell. I believe in God because I have felt God, and I have seen His Work in my life. So have billions of others. Now the belief of others is no reason to believe something yourself. All that I ask is that you stop for a moment, quiet your mind, and see what you feel. If you are searching for meaning, for something more than the shortcomings of the world you can see, taste, feel, smell, and hear, then open your heart to something greater than yourself.

A Prayer for Guidance

Oh Lord, hear my prayer

In You all things are possible

You nourish my mind, body, and soul

Yet I remain as selfish as ever

You have given me guidance and talent

Yet I seak only my own glorification

Forgive me, Lord

Lord, I humble myself to Your will

I pray, use my talents for your will

Guide me, oh Lord

Allow me to an example of Your Way

Guide me Lord, by Your will

Without You, I am nothing Lord,

The embodiement of selfish mediocrity

Lord, take charge of my life

This I ask of you

In Jesus precious name,

Amen

I Believe in God. I also Believe in Evolution. The Two Can Exist Together

I am still new in my reconnected walk with Christ. I am not a new believer, I believe I have my basics down. However, it has been 10 years since I was a regular church goer, and there are some things I am seeing that I did not run into in my youth.

The first thing I am seeing is a belief in Creationism. I have only tried two churches in the 2 months since I rededicated my life. Both churches interpret the Bible as the literal history of the planet. They believe that Man was created as we are now, that there was no evolution. I respectfully disagree.

However, there is something of an issue with my disagreement. Now, I am making an assumption here, but it seems that people may think that my lack of belief in a literal interpretation of the Bible implies that I lack true belief, or that I am still in some sort of rebellion against God.

First of all, I do not feel in conflict with God. I feel I am following His lead. I feel He is working in my life, and I humble myself to His Majesty. However, I do think that believing the Bible as entirely literally accurate is intellectually lazy.

I have no doubt that the Word of God is 100% true. Allow me to stress that statement. I have no doubt that the Word of God is 100% true. However, the Word of God is not the same as the words of God. Please take note of the distinction.

The Word of God is His Divine Message to us. It is a Message of Salvation from Sin, a Message of Love. The actual words are a means of delivering the Message, but they are not The Word in the way it was meant to be understood.

Allow me to illustrate. The Bible teaches us that Jesus Christ was the Word of God made flesh:

John 1:14 (New International Version)
14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Does this mean that Jesus was made from words and sentences? No, that is absurd. That passage does not make sense if you are speaking of the Word as just words and sentences. However, if you see that Jesus is the physical embodiment of a revelation of the nature of God, then it rings true.

The stories in the Bible, especially in the early Old Testament, were not meant to be taken literally. Whoever the scribe who wrote Genesis was, could he have understood the complex processes that God set in motion to craft the world as it is? NO. Could he create a metaphorical story to explain things? Yes.

Looking at some of the Bible as metaphor and some as history, the question is asked, how do we tell the difference? This was the question asked of me. I explained my belief that the Creation Story, Noah and the Ark, the Tower of Babel, these are metaphors. I was asked how do I tell the metaphors from what I believe are actual history, such as the reign of King David?

The argument I received was since we cannot draw a distinct line between metaphor and actual fact, then we must take it to be literal, otherwise, the actual Truth in the Word could be ignored as metaphor. I refute this.

I believe that the planet is billions of years old. I believe that man evolved from a primitive life form. I believe in God, and in His Word. These are not exclusive of one another.

I also believe that in order to read and understand the Word, we cannot blindly assume it is all literal fact. We must be more sophisticated in our understanding. It is imperative that we be able to understand the context in which the texts were written. To quote author Karl Giberson,

"The early chapters of Genesis do not read like history. They have a different sort of character to them. People who read Hebrew and understand the ancient Near Eastern worldview, and the cosmology that informed it, have given us ample reasons why you would not read Genesis that way, even if you weren't worried about reconciling it with a billion-year-old planet."

God gave us tremendous capacity for sophisticated thought, why would He ask us to suspend that ability when dealing with His Word? I believe in science, geology, and evolution, yet I still believe in God, in His ability in our lives. I believe in Sin. I believe in Christ.

I do not begrudge anyone who believes in the Bible as literal history. However, I do think that is a lazy attitude to take. God gave us great capacity for reason and logic. I do not think that we should suspend that when we are trying to be close to Him.

Lets Really Give Thanks - A Call To Action

Thanksgiving is coming around the corner, so there is no better time to stop and think about one is thankful for. Giving thanks is important. I am nothing if not thankful for the blessings that have bestowed upon me in my life.

I am thankful for the the wealth of friends I have in my life. There are many poor metaphors I could make here regarding cups or cornucopias and overflowing abundance, but let it simply be said that I have more good friends in my life than any one person should enjoy. Friends who are more than just fun, friends who are supportive and giving. Friends who know when to listen to you, and friends who know when tell me the hard truths. I will not list them all here, but if you are one of those people, I thank you for all that you have done in my life.

However, I am thankful for more than just the people who make up the fabric of my life. Throughout my life, I have received a generous outpouring of the kindness of strangers. There is the woman who I don't know, who I have never met, who gave me $1,000 to cover a shortfall in my tuition. There are the people who helped me fix a flat tire, who gave me pieces of wisdom or insight, who simply let me cut ahead of them in line at the grocery store when I had less items than they did.

My life has been full of random acts of kindness, more than I can describe and likely more than I know. These acts are the work of God in our lives. They are the interconnectedness of us all manifesting itself in real action.

That is the point of this blog, real action. It is one thing to sit around a table with family and friends and talk about things you are thankful for. But how many of us have the means to make someone else thankful?

We waste a lot of money on things we don't need. So I ask you now, can you afford to buy a case of canned goods and drop them off at a food bank? Do you have the time to clear the clutter in your house and donate good items to the Salvation Army or Goodwill?

We all know people less fortunate than ourselves. What can you do to make their lives a little better? Maybe it is something that they desperately need. Even better, maybe it is something they don't know they need that you can provide. Share your blessings.

I gave thanks today. I bought two full hams. I have wonderful friends who ask nothing of me and give the world in return. As a small gesture, I left one ham in the refrigerator of the family with whom I will spend my Thanksgiving, the family I have spent it with for the last 5 years. If I told them I was going to do it, they would have told me not too, so giving and selfless they are. It is nothing compared to what they have done for me, but it is a token none the less, a token of appreciation for the blessing they have been in my life. I owe them more than they can know.

The second ham I took to my local rescue mission as a donation for their Thanksgiving. Again, this was a small token, a drop in the bucket compared to the greater needs of the people there.

I challenge you, dear reader, to do the same. Do not say what you are thankful for this year. Show your thanks. Show your friends, your family, your loved ones your appreciation. this doesn't mean you need to buy them something. I simply lack imagination. Do something unexpected. You know what they need in their lives. Fill a need, and show them you are thankful.

I also challenge you to perform a random act of kindness. Help a stranded motorist fix a flat tire. offer to buy a stranger's meal. take a minute out from your life, close your eyes, and you will know where there is need. Fill that need. Be thankful. Be the blessing.

If you read this, and it motivates you, please, forward it on to others. Make this a rallying cry. Post a comment here, share your blessing. It is a harsh and cold world for all of us when we walk it alone. But when we help one another, when we show our love, we become more. We all benefit, the giver and receiver.

Maybe your random act of kindness will spur someone to their own act of charity. maybe you restore someone's faith in their fellow man. Maybe they will give thanks to you this year. We always ask for blessings. We can be the blessing.

What makes Right... Right?

Morality. Whether consciencely or not, this is something we all deal with. How do I act moral? How do I live morally? How do I live rightly? Why do others do things that are wrong? Why do I do things I know are wrong?

Throughout human history, there have been several moral codes laid down for people to follow. All religions have some sort of moral guideline that it requires its believes to adhere to. Jesus famously laid down the Golden Rule in Matthew 7:12, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." He was referencing an earlier scripture from Leviticus 19:18, "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

Christianity is not alone in setting this ethic of reciprocity. From Confucius we get, "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself."

Hinduism: "That man who regards all creatures as his own self, and behaves towards them as towards his own self, laying aside the rod of chastisement and completely subjugating his wrath, succeeds in attaining to happiness."

The Muslim Qur'an commends, "...those who show their affection to such as came to them for refuge and entertain no desire in their hearts for things given to the (latter), but give them preference over themselves"

From Taoism, "The sage has no interest of his own, but takes the interests of the people as his own. He is kind to the kind; he is also kind to the unkind: for Virtue is kind. He is faithful to the faithful; he is also faithful to the unfaithful: for Virtue is faithful."

Ok, so all religions have a general rule for being good, or virtuous, or righteous. But that doesn't answer the question at hand, just why is that right? For Christians, Jews, and Muslims, the answer is as simple as , "Because God said so." On the other hand, Eastern faiths, such as Taoism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, do not have same centralized authority figure, yet they have the same rule. So we still don't have an answer.

Instead of trying to decide why some things are right, maybe we should look at the problem from another point of view. What makes something wrong? For Christians, this might be asked as, what makes something a sin?

God is the ultimate Good in the Universe. God is Love. Being close to God is being connected with Him, with the Universe, with everyone else. When you feel love, you feel close, connected.

God wants us to Love Him. Because one cannot truly love anything unless they have a choice, God has granted us Free Will. Therefore, we have a choice; we can choose Love by choosing God, or we can choose to not accept God.

Therein lies a problem. When we decide to choose against God, we lose the power of that connection, the power of the Love that He is. We replace Him with our own desire. Our desires are inherently selfish. When we make a decision with only ourselves in mind, we are wrong. We sin. We do not only commit a wrong against the victim of our selfishness, but also against all people, and God.

When we disconnect from God, it leaves a hole in our lives. How do we fill that hole? We try to fill it with our desires. Food. Sex. Sports. Gadgets. Hobbies.

But where does that leave us? Do we still feel empty and unfulfilled? Yes. Only God's Love can make us feel complete.

So, how does this come back to "doing unto others?" When we start to frame our decisions, our lives even, in the context of serving others, we connect with them, and we connect with God. It leads to a higher plane, and a higher path. When we connect with that Love, suddenly we can find ourselves not being concerned if things are right or wrong, because by doing unto others, and therefore doing unto God, we will be doing the right thing.

God Speaks To Us in Mysterious Ways

I am slowly coming back into my church life, a life I abandoned over a decade ago. One of the things I am trying to begin again is a daily devotional. In the past, I was an undisciplined reader of the Bible. I would go days or weeks without reading on my own, then suddenly rip through a few books over the course of an afternoon. There was often no reason behind choosing what I read other than satisfying my own curiosity.

As a fledgling Christian in a new church, I am again opening my Bible to read. this time I am going by a set reading plan used by the church, a daily guide to reading the bible that will allow thentire tet to be read in a years time. Today was my first reading.

God works in mysterious ways. The driving force behind my leaving the church so long ago was the death of my twin sister. I wanted to challenge God. I wanted Him to explain Himself, to justify to me why he had allowed her death. I was arrogant and childish.

The passage selected for my reading today from the Old Testament was Job, chapters 39 and 40. It is God's answers to Job's challenge to Him. Job wanted a chance to prove his innocence before Him, to argue his case against what had befallen him. I will jump right into Job 40:1-8

¹ The LORD said to Job:

² "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him!"

³ Then Job answered the LORD:

⁴ "I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?
I put my hand over my mouth.

⁵ I spoke once, but I have no answer—
twice, but I will say no more."

⁶ Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm:

⁷ "Prepare to defend yourself;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.

⁸ "Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

This was written thousands of years ago. However, it is God speaking to me. It is God answering my challenge. Is it coincidence that on my first day of devotional reading I am directed to exactly what I need to read? Directed by a bookmark that simply has dates and assigned reading for that day? This reading plan was set long before I rededicated my life. However, that plan does have one verse on it:

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11.

God is always ready to speak to us, we simply need to listen.

Beautiful Day

Going with a cliche today, but sometimes cliches are what they are because they are true. Today is a beautiful, as was yesterday and so too will be tomorrow. We are soaked in Love, in the Love of our Creator, the love of family, the love of friends, the love of even strangers.

There are those who feel destitute, those who see each new day as another day of suffering. Suffer no longer! The answer is before you. God. The Divine. That is Love, the most amazing and complete Love there is. Seek the Divine.

I follow the path of Christ. However, any path that takes you into the arms of the Divine is Blessed. Humble yourself to the power of Love that surrounds us, and each day you live will be beautiful.

Even in Our Deepest Sorrows, We are Never Alone

When we are feeling loved, when things go our way, we love to share it with the world. At weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, births. We hug, we shout, we cry tears of joy for all to see. But what do we do when we do not feel so high? What is on the other end of the spectrum, opposite feelings of great love and togetherness?

The feeling of loneliness, the feeling of abandonment. When relationships fail. When friendships end. When a loved one passes. These are the times when we feel love has left us. We feel pangs of grief, pangs of sorrow, the hurt of loss.

Love is the Ultimate Answer, Love is all around us, Love is what guides towards good, Love is what connects us. But what happens when we lose that Love? What happens when we feel absolutely, soul wrenchingly alone? When we feel alone, even in crowds, even amongst those who care for us the most.

It is an enormous feeling. It feels as if a hole has been torn in your soul. I know the feeling all too well. I know because I carried that feeling with me for a decade. I searched everywhere to find ways to fill it. I tried sex. I indulged in food. Nothing could ease the pain, nothing could heal the rift.

On an evening not long ago, I found my answer. I needed to reconnect to the Love. I needed to be humble. I needed to simply accept the Love that was always with me. The Love that I had turned away, the Love that I had hardened my heart to on a cool October night when I was told my twin sister had died.

So I let go of the last of my anger. I fully embraced God. I fully embraced my Calling. I fully embraced the Love. For the first time in a decade, i felt whole. I felt I no longer had to find an answer. I had felt abandoned, abandoned to my misery by the world, when the answer had been with me all along. it was Love. it was God.

Are you ready to embrace the Love? To be embraced?

The Nature of God

As I stand here before you, I have one very important question to ask Why are you here? Why are you in this building? Why are you sitting in this pew? Why did you get out of bed and come to church today? Are you here to see a friend? Are you here to listen to music? Are you here to be seen here?

I am not asking this question to call anyone out. I am not passing judgment. I am simply asking because I want each one of you to take a moment to consider why you are in church today.

I am going to go a little further now. How many of you are born again? How many of you have personal relationship with Jesus Christ, have accepted him as your personal savior? How many of you have made the walk to the altar, have kneeled before God, and given Him your life?

Now I ask you, why? Why did you make that choice? Why did you choose that path? is it because the idea of heaven sounds good? Streets of gold, seeing loved ones long past, angels singing, that sort of thing? An eternity of joy in exchange for a short life of obedience on earth? What is 70, 80 years compared to forever?

Are some of you here with a little fear? A little fear in your hearts? Fear of that lake, one with the heat of a thousand suns? Do you fear the punishment you have been warned of, an eternity of agony?

Are there those out there who are here not for an eternal reward or punishment? Maybe there are some of you here who like the atmosphere. It feels good to be in church, it feeds a positive feeling. There are those who say that to walk with Christ is to walk an easy path to prosperity.

Again, I am not here to judge. I am simply here to allow you to reflect for a moment.

Now, I do have a message. That message is this: God is not here to scare you. He is not here to entice you with rewards, either on this planet or in a life beyond this.

God is everywhere. Now as a kid, I had very tough time trying to wrap my mind around this. I pictured God as someone akin to the Flash. For those of you who do not know who the Flash is, he is a DC Comics superhero. He is faster than Superman. If anyone could be in two places at once, it would be him, at least in my imagination.

As I saw it, God was both at some celestial control room in heaven, running the show, and also looking over my shoulder, not to mention reading my thoughts. God was just a super powered anthropomorphic personification in my mind.

I am here to tell you that God as I imagined in my Sunday School classes and youth services as a kid is not just a really, really… REALY fast deity. God is so much more than that.

God is love. Not that sappy love that Hallmark sells. The feeling you get when you gently cradle a newborn baby in your arms. That is God. The feeling of protection you got when your mother wrapped you in her arms? That is God. The amazing feeling you have when you stand in awe of nature, sitting on a beach gazing at the ocean or maybe off on a snowy mountain enveloped by a gentle stillness, that is God.

But God is even more than all of that. Planets, moons, stars, galaxies, even the universe all move in precise patterns. Bodies are drawn towards one another by gravity, a force we know is there but we cannot explain. That force, that is God.

There are laws that separate order from chaos. Laws of physics. matter and energy cannot be created, nor destroyed. Let me say that again. Energy cannot be created or destroyed. The energy in our bodies comes from the food we eat. One way or another, the energy in our food comes from the Sun. The Sun has been burning for billions of years, the result of elements swirling and combing and igniting after the big bang.

Essentially, all of the energy that moves everything in the universe can be traced back to something before. All the way back to something that came first. Something put everything into motion. Aristotle called it the First Mover. That is God.

God is energy. God is the force that brings the universe together. God is the love that brings families together, that nurtures babies and guides us to soul mate. God binds us to each other, to the world, to the universe. God is big.

Yet God is also small. That is why I asked you why you were here today. God created us gave us free will. We can be what we want. We can be where we want.

That is the thing about love. True love can only come from choice. God has given us choice. He loves us. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

He just wants our love in return. It is a very personal and private thing. You can strip away everything else. Heaven, Hell, that's marketing, a means of getting our attention. When you feel that love, when you give that love in return, everything else just falls into place.

Let me tell you about the power of God's love. I had an abusive childhood, things happened to me that I will not repeat in this holy place. But even through that, I felt the love of God. I had a twin sister named Angel. She was my rock, and we came through our tough times together. God sent us together.

As teenagers we became active in a church. It was not long before I felt God tugging on my heart. I was being called to deliver his message of love. I resisted. I was afraid. I wanted to be cool. I was afraid of what my friends would think. I wanted what I wanted, not what God wanted. I let my desires drive me, not his.

Angel died, 10 years ago. We were 19. My pain was tremendous. Everyone said, "It's part of God's plan." I could not accept that. I turned from God. I rebelled. I said, "There is no God!" I went down a dark path. A hole grew in my spirit. I filled it with food, with pleasures of the flesh. God did not leave me.

I was loved, but I would not accept it. I struggled, and God put people in my life to help me. I have known some of the best Christians I could ever imagine. I have been blessed with tremendous friends. But still, I turned from God.

I found my bottom in a patch of woods a mile from the house I grew up in. I was 22, and I was ready to die. A few months prior I had swallowed three bottles of sleeping pills. That was a cry for help. God answered my cry, he surrounded me with love, but I pushed him away.

In that patch of woods, I parked my car. I had just filled the tank. I ran a length of hose from my tailpipe into my window. I sealed it all up with duct tape. I started my car, positioned the hose near my face. I could feel the heat of the exhaust. I went to sleep, confident in the fact I would not wake again.

But wake I did. I should not be alive. I breathed carbon monoxide for 8 hours in a tightly enclosed space. I went home, determined to try again. A friend found me surrounded by rat poison and razor blades, and took me to the hospital. God was still there

I began therapy. I did not want to. I had given up. But God still had not given up on me. God showed me love through the amazing and unwavering support of my friends. Still, I would not accept him.

Until a fateful day. I was driving home from an 8 hour therapy session. It was raining, a light rain, a gentle rain. On my stereo came the Beatles song, Across the Universe. As I listened to the lyrics

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe…

and watched the gentle rain wash down my windshield, I had a life altering epiphany. God loves us, he wants us to be happy. His love was healing me, healing my pain. I gave it to him, and he took it from me. I opened my soul to him, and he welcomed me with open arms.

Now I stand here before you, and I ask you again, why are you here? God's love is deep, it is personal. It is emotional. I spent the last six years healing, learning. I learned to overcome my fear. I am here accepting my calling.

That also came in a flash, an epiphany. I just returned from a vacation to my hometown in Florida. On my last night there, I had dinner with the husband and wife youth ministers from my church, the one I attended as a teenager, Trey and Cathy Perry. My discussion with them turned to matters of faith.

I acknowledged my calling, but was still afraid to take the step. I was afraid. I was not sure in my faith. Cathy quoted from Matthew 17:20, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." She told me that God has a plan for me, and once I open myself to it, then I will have the clarity and purpose in my life I have been lacking.

I spent the next entire next day in airports and on planes coming back here, thinking about that. And once again, epiphany struck. Somewhere in the sky between Charlotte and Denver, I knew I was ready to accept the call. God healed me through love, and it was time for me to share that with the world.

As I stand here before you, I have one very important question to ask. Why are you here? The love from God, can you feel it? Its there. You just have to open yourself to it. Humble yourself, let go of your pride. Let Him in. God is Love. He created a magnificent world around us. Let Him in. His love is all around us. His Love brings us together. His love guides us, protects and cherishes us. He sacrificed his son for love of us. Can you sacrifice your pride, your selfish desires? Let Him in. let Him guide your life.

Understanding the Nature of God and His Plan for Us.

I find that people spend an inordinate amount of time trying to understand things that are simply beyond their ability to comprehend. This includes, but is not limited to, the machinations of global markets and economics in general, the seemingly erratic changes in weather, and the reasons why a relatively talentless starlet can garner more press coverage than a presidential candidate. However, these concerns are merely trivial when compared to something that at some point will plague all people’s soul, the nature of God, and his plan for an individual’s life.

First of all, I am here to tell everyone one simple and indisputable fact. The Nature of God cannot be known by man. Were it simply that we are part of God, that we are manifestations of Him in mortal form, we still would not be able to comprehend a being whose existence predates our own by millennia. Our lives are too short to even begin to examine the universe in the way that he has. Compound this by the fact that we are far less than simply a mortal representation of the divine, and our limited life span, and then we have no opportunity to see the tip of the iceberg of his true Nature. That we understand the idea that God is Love is as close to understanding Him as we will likely get in our time on Earth.

Beyond simply wondering what the nature of God Is, we want to know what His Plan for us is as well. I am here to tell you that understanding is also beyond our understanding. I will illustrate with a personal example. My twin sister died of an aneurism when she was 19.

When it happened, one common response from people was, “It is part of God’s plan.” I could become enraged at this notion. To me, allowing a woman on the cusp of life to be extinguished so randomly could only be the work of random chance or a God who is wicked. I rebelled. I pushed away my faith. I worked to challenge the faith of others. I could not understand.

My pain was intense, but slowly I healed. God was still there. It has been 10 years. My faith has been restored. I do not understand what God’s plan is. But I know there is one. We all have free will. We can do whatever we want. Not following God’s plan will not lead to evil or wickedness, although it certainly could. Our base desires are as far from holy as one could get, should we indulge in them.

However, when we set ourselves on a path laid for us, when we point in the direction He would like us to take, it feels right. There is a peace there, a calm knowledge that everything will be good. We cannot try to interject our own desire into the path. We can only quiet our minds, open our hearts, and let that powerful hand guide us. You know your path, as did I. We simply must choose whether to take it or not.

The Positive Side of Death and Loss

Why do we do we fear death? Better yet, why do we fear and mourn the end or loss of anything? A Buddhist would likely tell you that desire is causing this fear. To apply this to the fear of death and the fear of loss, I would imagine it means that we always desire more of life, and more of the things we lost. The pain we feel when a life ends, relationships end, opportunities end is caused by our own desire to have had more, instead of focusing on what we had to begin with.

I think that these fears are deeper than just desire, but they also speak to our fear of losing control. Despite evidence to the contrary, most people believe they have a great deal of control over the things that affect their lives, when this just simply is not so. While it is true that one should not simply sit idly by and let their lives be determined by the randomness of the world, we instead can nudge our lives to a better path through positive choices and being proactive.

However, even on a better path, most of the things in our world are beyond our control. The ball bounces funny and slips between your legs. It hails on the day of your immaculately planned outdoor spring wedding. Someone spoils the end of the movie before you have seen it. Your tire goes flat on the way to a job interview. Lovers will choose to leave you. People pass out of you life before you can tell them how much you love them and what they truly meant to you.

Despite the losses we will all have in our lives, they are no reason to fear loss. They are simply the way of the world, and the way for change. Often a bad thing for one person is a good thing for another. When relationships come to end, hopefully both people can take a bit of happiness from the time they shared and lessons on how to make their next relationship better. When we lose a loved one, we should remember they are moving on to a better place, as death is not an end, but rather a stop along the journey of our soul.

This brings me back to fear of our own death, and fear of our losses. We fear these things because we cannot control them. What dooms many a relationship is the fear of losing that other person, which provokes us to do things that drive that person away. Our fear of death prevents us from enjoying our lives, and fear of the deaths of loved ones prevents us from enjoying their lives. Whether one believes in Yahweh, Jehovah, Jesus, Allah, Brahma, or a pantheon of Pagan deities, the divine touches all of us, and the overall impact of that touch is good, even when we have loss.

Whenever we have lost something that loss will be for the greater good. It may not be something we see initially, but that is the way of the universe. I lost my twin sister at the age of 19, and it devastated me. However, the insights I have gained from that loss have been profound, and I believe that insight has allowed me to positively affect many people's lives. I will always honor her memory, but I no longer mourn her, as she has moved to a better place.

In the past, I have seen the end of a relationship with someone who is very special. The loss hurt me greatly, because of my desire for the relationship to last. However, now I see it not as a loss, but a time when I was able to make an amazing connection with another person. This connection helped me grow as a person, and the memory of the time will be treasured always. I believe these things are true for her as well, so despite the pain, our lives have been affected for the better.

We should not fear the losses in our lives, or the loss of our own life. It is all part of the cycle of death and rebirth. We are here for a short time before we move on to something else, so let us not waste our time here being ruled by fear and grief, but rather in celebration of the people we love and world that is full of wonder.

The Meaning of Life is...

What does it all mean? Life, family, relationships, the world, what is the absolute point of it all? I will not argue that I have the answer. But I do have an idea. It might just apply to me, it might be true for all of us, I don't know, but here it is.

Love is the meaning of it all. I know, it sounds simplistic, and it is not all that original. But think about it. Nearly all religious beliefs teach the importance of Love in one way or another. Christianity specifically teaches that God is Love.

Love is the bond that holds families and relationships together. I love my family. I love my friends. Love is the motivation to do amazing things, to do selfless things.

I can take it a step further. Aristotle believed that all things were set in motion by something else. Modern physics teaches us that this is true, because a body in motion is using energy, which cannot be created or destroyed, but is transferred from one phase into another.

Aristotle also expanded his theory to say that if you trace back all of the movers, all of the items that put something else into motion, you eventually come to the first mover, which he referred to as god for lack of a better term. Physicists may call this the Big Bang, but even they do not know what caused that event.

I have a theory. If love binds humanity together, why not the universe? To paraphrase Obi Wan Kenobi, love is "...an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." It is the power that came first, the First Mover, as Aristotle might say. It is that ultimate search for Love that motivates all human endeavor.Searching for Love is more important to the human condition than searching for God, and those that have Love are the ones that are truly blessed. Embrace the ones you love and those who love you, because that is truly what life is all about.

Do, or Do Not, there is NO TRY

Master Yoda trained me in the ways of the Force. OK, maybe he didn't, because he is both a fictional character and a puppet, and the last time I tried a Jedi Mind Trick, it didn't go over so well. But he is not without wisdom.

The point is this; when Yoda tells Luke in Empire Strikes Back, "Do or do not, there is no try," he is teaching a valuable lesson. Luke is attempting to lift his X-Wing Starfighter (yes, I am a Star Wars geek) out of a bog, and he fails, sighing and saying,"it's too big."

Yoda then proceeds to lift the Starfighter out of the water, setting in on the ground next to Luke.



Luke responds, "I don't believe it," to which Yoda replies:

"That is why you fail."

Whats the lesson? So often we don't accomplish things we because we expect to fail. In reality, we are capable of far more than we would like to believe. Our bodies are amazing machines. Our minds are bound only by our imagination. Set your goals high. Believe it, and you can achieve it. That is the absolute truth. The biggest obstacle to success is YOU.

Know Your Limits... So You Can Exceed Them

One thing that I have always noticed about people, myself included, is that we tend to have a myopic view of ourselves, especially in relation to the world around us. This could not be more obvious than in the view of an individual's self-awareness. We live in a society where we can have instantaneous feedback. We post flattering pictures online and solicit comments from our friends; credit checks are done in 30 seconds and a new card is issued; a call from a parent can reinforce our own notion that everything we do is right, it is other people who are wrong, the mean boss, the angry spouse. We can see all of what is good or exceptional about ourselves in an instant.

What we often fail to see are our own shortcomings. So often people only want to see the good in themselves, they ignore everything else. Fail at something? Then it must have been rigged for failure, or it wasn't something we were meant to do. Have a relationship blow up in your face? The other person must be to blame. Lose a job or an opportunity for a promotion? Well those people were jerks anyway.

The truth is, we are all exceptionally flawed people. However, being aware of and acknowledging those flaws is a key to success. it is the hard truths about ourselves that allow us to improve, that give us the foothold we need to scale the brick walls that stand in our way.


Failure is one of life's best teachers. You should not be afraid to fail.

For example, I am not the most gifted athlete. I can work hard, which is a trait I share with everyone, but natural grace, agility, speed, quickness, and talent were not gifts I was born with. This became abundantly clear to me when I was a freshman in high school. I had always excelled at academics, but had not done much athletically. Playing basketball was a big step out of my comfort zone.

I liked basketball, so I tried out for the high school team. I made it three practices before the coach pulled me aside during lunch.

"You don't need to come to practice today," he said,"you're being cut from the team."

I fought back tears. I didn't want to cry in front of the coach. I had tried something I wasn't good at, and I had failed, miserably. I had other extracurricular activities that suited me better. I was a star n the Hi-Q team, a four person team that competed with other schools answering trivia questions. But that failure lit a fire in me.

I took a long hard look at myself. I did not know that game too well, I couldn't shoot the ball, did not have an innate court sense that allowed me to make plays, I was slow and uncoordinated. I could have let that be and enjoyed my success on the Hi-Q team. Both activities were concurrent. Instead, I focused on my weaknesses.




I became a gym rat. I ran. I played as much basketball as I could. I worked on drills at home, for hours on end. I had a very clear view of my deficiencies, and I attacked them. made the Junior Varsity team as a sophomore, forgoing the opportunity to be on the Hi-Q team. My coaches, while noticing my hard work, still pointed out my flaws, telling me I would not play much. I listened to them and continued to work. 6 games into the JV schedule, I became a starter. My junior year, I moved to the varsity, now asking for all of the criticism, using it to improve. By my Senior year, I was the captain of the varsity team.

We all have talents. But we all have limitations too. By recognizing our limitations and dealing with them, we can exceed them, turning weaknesses into strengths. Don't try to seek flattery from others. A true friend is someone who will tell you where you suck. Those are the people who really care. Seek out criticism, and use it to make you better, and your life will be better. I still might not be playing in the NBA, but I can hold my own in a pick-up game, and I have coached and passed the lessons on to younger people. What can you improve about yourself? What can you do tomorrow that you fail at today?

Who I Am, and What I Am Writing About

To begin with, I know there is no shortage of self-help information available to the general public, either in book form or on the web. One only needs to go to lifehacker.com to discover all kinds of useful information on improving one's life.

Be that as it may, I still feel like I have some unique perspective on life and loss, and coping with losses and tragedies. I have made mistakes and seen failure, but the pain of those experiences has been a better teacher than any of my successes.

So, what are my painful experiences? My father abused my mother, and when she finally left, he told my sister and I, "she left YOU." I had a very abusive childhood from that point on. I won't beat around the bush on that one, my twin sister and I were molested, beaten, and berated by my father from the ages of 5 until 8, when he finally remarried. Things mellowed out after that, but there were occasional flare ups.

My father died when I was 17, just as he was beginning to make amends for his terrible behavior. My twin sister died at 19, and then my step-brother, who was just 4 days younger than my sister and I, died at 23.

I have survived 2 suicide attempts, one was the typical "cry-for-help", the other simply didn't work. I was diagnosed with bipolar after that. I gained weight, going from 205 to 320 pounds. I threw away my military career by going AWOL after my sister's death. I have screwed up.

Despite all of that, here I sit at 29, relatively happy and healthy. I lost all of that weight. I learned to deal with pain and loss. I healed.

How did that happen? The easy and simple answer is love. I have been loved by friends and family, people who have helped me when I needed it the most.

The more complicated answer? I had to deal with some harsh truths about myself. The most important one was that no one was going to make me happy but me. And there is no easy path to a good life. it takes hard work, and sometimes sacrifices need to be made. There is a lot of hard truth in what I have learned, and in this blog I will share the lessons I have learned, as well as my story.