The Meaning of Life is...

What does it all mean? Life, family, relationships, the world, what is the absolute point of it all? I will not argue that I have the answer. But I do have an idea. It might just apply to me, it might be true for all of us, I don't know, but here it is.

Love is the meaning of it all. I know, it sounds simplistic, and it is not all that original. But think about it. Nearly all religious beliefs teach the importance of Love in one way or another. Christianity specifically teaches that God is Love.

Love is the bond that holds families and relationships together. I love my family. I love my friends. Love is the motivation to do amazing things, to do selfless things.

I can take it a step further. Aristotle believed that all things were set in motion by something else. Modern physics teaches us that this is true, because a body in motion is using energy, which cannot be created or destroyed, but is transferred from one phase into another.

Aristotle also expanded his theory to say that if you trace back all of the movers, all of the items that put something else into motion, you eventually come to the first mover, which he referred to as god for lack of a better term. Physicists may call this the Big Bang, but even they do not know what caused that event.

I have a theory. If love binds humanity together, why not the universe? To paraphrase Obi Wan Kenobi, love is "...an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." It is the power that came first, the First Mover, as Aristotle might say. It is that ultimate search for Love that motivates all human endeavor.Searching for Love is more important to the human condition than searching for God, and those that have Love are the ones that are truly blessed. Embrace the ones you love and those who love you, because that is truly what life is all about.

Do, or Do Not, there is NO TRY

Master Yoda trained me in the ways of the Force. OK, maybe he didn't, because he is both a fictional character and a puppet, and the last time I tried a Jedi Mind Trick, it didn't go over so well. But he is not without wisdom.

The point is this; when Yoda tells Luke in Empire Strikes Back, "Do or do not, there is no try," he is teaching a valuable lesson. Luke is attempting to lift his X-Wing Starfighter (yes, I am a Star Wars geek) out of a bog, and he fails, sighing and saying,"it's too big."

Yoda then proceeds to lift the Starfighter out of the water, setting in on the ground next to Luke.



Luke responds, "I don't believe it," to which Yoda replies:

"That is why you fail."

Whats the lesson? So often we don't accomplish things we because we expect to fail. In reality, we are capable of far more than we would like to believe. Our bodies are amazing machines. Our minds are bound only by our imagination. Set your goals high. Believe it, and you can achieve it. That is the absolute truth. The biggest obstacle to success is YOU.

Know Your Limits... So You Can Exceed Them

One thing that I have always noticed about people, myself included, is that we tend to have a myopic view of ourselves, especially in relation to the world around us. This could not be more obvious than in the view of an individual's self-awareness. We live in a society where we can have instantaneous feedback. We post flattering pictures online and solicit comments from our friends; credit checks are done in 30 seconds and a new card is issued; a call from a parent can reinforce our own notion that everything we do is right, it is other people who are wrong, the mean boss, the angry spouse. We can see all of what is good or exceptional about ourselves in an instant.

What we often fail to see are our own shortcomings. So often people only want to see the good in themselves, they ignore everything else. Fail at something? Then it must have been rigged for failure, or it wasn't something we were meant to do. Have a relationship blow up in your face? The other person must be to blame. Lose a job or an opportunity for a promotion? Well those people were jerks anyway.

The truth is, we are all exceptionally flawed people. However, being aware of and acknowledging those flaws is a key to success. it is the hard truths about ourselves that allow us to improve, that give us the foothold we need to scale the brick walls that stand in our way.


Failure is one of life's best teachers. You should not be afraid to fail.

For example, I am not the most gifted athlete. I can work hard, which is a trait I share with everyone, but natural grace, agility, speed, quickness, and talent were not gifts I was born with. This became abundantly clear to me when I was a freshman in high school. I had always excelled at academics, but had not done much athletically. Playing basketball was a big step out of my comfort zone.

I liked basketball, so I tried out for the high school team. I made it three practices before the coach pulled me aside during lunch.

"You don't need to come to practice today," he said,"you're being cut from the team."

I fought back tears. I didn't want to cry in front of the coach. I had tried something I wasn't good at, and I had failed, miserably. I had other extracurricular activities that suited me better. I was a star n the Hi-Q team, a four person team that competed with other schools answering trivia questions. But that failure lit a fire in me.

I took a long hard look at myself. I did not know that game too well, I couldn't shoot the ball, did not have an innate court sense that allowed me to make plays, I was slow and uncoordinated. I could have let that be and enjoyed my success on the Hi-Q team. Both activities were concurrent. Instead, I focused on my weaknesses.




I became a gym rat. I ran. I played as much basketball as I could. I worked on drills at home, for hours on end. I had a very clear view of my deficiencies, and I attacked them. made the Junior Varsity team as a sophomore, forgoing the opportunity to be on the Hi-Q team. My coaches, while noticing my hard work, still pointed out my flaws, telling me I would not play much. I listened to them and continued to work. 6 games into the JV schedule, I became a starter. My junior year, I moved to the varsity, now asking for all of the criticism, using it to improve. By my Senior year, I was the captain of the varsity team.

We all have talents. But we all have limitations too. By recognizing our limitations and dealing with them, we can exceed them, turning weaknesses into strengths. Don't try to seek flattery from others. A true friend is someone who will tell you where you suck. Those are the people who really care. Seek out criticism, and use it to make you better, and your life will be better. I still might not be playing in the NBA, but I can hold my own in a pick-up game, and I have coached and passed the lessons on to younger people. What can you improve about yourself? What can you do tomorrow that you fail at today?

Who I Am, and What I Am Writing About

To begin with, I know there is no shortage of self-help information available to the general public, either in book form or on the web. One only needs to go to lifehacker.com to discover all kinds of useful information on improving one's life.

Be that as it may, I still feel like I have some unique perspective on life and loss, and coping with losses and tragedies. I have made mistakes and seen failure, but the pain of those experiences has been a better teacher than any of my successes.

So, what are my painful experiences? My father abused my mother, and when she finally left, he told my sister and I, "she left YOU." I had a very abusive childhood from that point on. I won't beat around the bush on that one, my twin sister and I were molested, beaten, and berated by my father from the ages of 5 until 8, when he finally remarried. Things mellowed out after that, but there were occasional flare ups.

My father died when I was 17, just as he was beginning to make amends for his terrible behavior. My twin sister died at 19, and then my step-brother, who was just 4 days younger than my sister and I, died at 23.

I have survived 2 suicide attempts, one was the typical "cry-for-help", the other simply didn't work. I was diagnosed with bipolar after that. I gained weight, going from 205 to 320 pounds. I threw away my military career by going AWOL after my sister's death. I have screwed up.

Despite all of that, here I sit at 29, relatively happy and healthy. I lost all of that weight. I learned to deal with pain and loss. I healed.

How did that happen? The easy and simple answer is love. I have been loved by friends and family, people who have helped me when I needed it the most.

The more complicated answer? I had to deal with some harsh truths about myself. The most important one was that no one was going to make me happy but me. And there is no easy path to a good life. it takes hard work, and sometimes sacrifices need to be made. There is a lot of hard truth in what I have learned, and in this blog I will share the lessons I have learned, as well as my story.